JACK ATTACK!
JackVision 15" · 0.28mm dot pitch · DO NOT OPEN, HIGH VOLTAGE (really)
★
        JackVision15DIGITAL CONTROL · LOW RADIATION-ISH
        
        
        
      

    

    

    

    
WARNING! No user serviceable parts inside.
(Except Dad.)S/N FPC-450-0099-JK   QC PASSED

    

    

      32X MAX
      
      1.44MB
      Family PC 450
      JackOS 98 ready
      POWERHDD
        
        TURBORESET
      PRESS ME!(not Reset)
      
      JackChip IIinside-ish
      
    

    

  

  
Press the power button on the PC
(the big one on the tower, not Reset!)
  

  
  
  
  





  

    
    
  


  

    
JACK ATTACK! Online - JackNet Explorer

    

      
      

        
      

      

        
        

        
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Online · the games mag wot Jack made

      
      
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Welcome!
ISSUE 7

  

    

    

      
Alright! This is the website of JACK ATTACK!, the only games mag written entirely by me, Jack. It's about everything nerdy I love: video games, sci-fi films, Rubik's cubes, Tetris and ORKS. Check What's New every day, there's always something going on!

      
Everything on here with a LIVE sign is shared with whoever else is on the site at the same time. There's one Rubik's cube between all of you and one grot to look after, and the WAAAGH! only goes off if you all shout together.

      
Jack

    

  

  

  

    

      
THE BUTTON button.cgi LIVE

      

        
        

          
This button has been pressed

          
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times.

          
Last pressed by nobody yet

        

      

    

    

      

        
HIT COUNTER counter.cgi

        
You are visitor number
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☕ y2k_countdown.class

        
--- days --:--:--
until the YEAR 2000!!!

      

    

  

  

    
WHO'S HERE? who's_here.cgi LIVE

    

  


  
  
  
What's New? 

  
    
  
    
  
    ⚠ THIS SITE IS ALWAYS UNDER CONSTRUCTION ⚠
    
  
    under_construction.gif
    

    



    
  
    Games Arcade
    13 GAMES!!!
    
  
    Pick a game and it starts straight away. Everything with a LIVE sign has high scores shared with everyone, and some you play WITH everyone.
    
  ⚡ GO TO THE ZONE ⚡Play Reversi, Checkers, Battleships and more against REAL PEOPLE, climb the ladders, enter the weekly cup and play the Java Arcade at www.jacknetzone.jnetENTER >>
  
    

  
    

    
      
    ☕ jacktris.class LIVE
    
      
    
        
    
          
    
          
    
            
    NEXT
              SCORE
    0
    LINES
    0
    LEVEL
    0
    
            
    
            
    HIGH SCORES
    1. nobody yet
    
            
    Lines cleared worldwide: 0 LIVE
    
          
    
        
    
        
    
          
    JACKTRIS KNOCKOUT ARENA LIVEEveryone plays at once. Clear 2+ lines to send junk to someone else. Last one standing wins!
    
          
    Nobody in the arena yet.
    
          
    
          
    
            
    Watch live
    Nobody else is playing right now.
    
            
    Knockout champions
    1. nobody yet!
    
          
    
        
    
        
    
        
    Press Start! Arrows move, Up rotates, Space drops, P pauses.
    
      
    
    
    
  
    
  
  
  
  

    



    
  
    Gubbinz da Grot
    VIRTUAL PET
    
  
    Like a Tamagotchi, but it's a gretchin. There's only ONE Gubbinz and everyone on the site shares him. He gets hungry even when nobody's here, so if he dies it's everyone's fault. LIVE
    
  
    
    
    
    
      
    
        
    GUBBINZ
    
        
    GRUB
    
        
    FUN
    
        
    CLEAN
    
        
    ...
    
      
    
      
    
        
        
      
    
      
    "..."
    
      
    Last looked after by nobody · grots lost to neglect: 0
    
    
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Screensaver
    FREE DOWNLOAD!!
    
  
    PLASMA.SCR: Jack's very own plasma ball screensaver. 100% FREE!!! Try it right here first: touch the glass! When somebody else on the site touches THEIR ball, their coloured bolt shows up in yours. LIVE
    
  
    
    
    
      
    ☕ plasma.class (Java applet, 400 x 300)
    
      
    
      
    Applet plasma started
    
      
    Bolts you've zapped: 0 · people touching their ball right now: 0 LIVE
    
    
    
    
    
      
    DOWNLOAD IT!!!
    
      
    PLASMA.ZIP
    143 KB · under a minute on a 56K
    Version 1.2 · 0 downloads
    
      
    
      
      
    
      SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
      
    • 486DX2/66 or better (Pentium recommended)
    • 8MB RAM
    • 256 colours (High Colour looks ACE)
    • JackOS 95 or 98
    • A finger (for touching the glass)
    
    
    
  
    
  
    Screenshots
    
  
    plasma1.gif
    plasma2.gif
    plasma3.gif
    
  
    What people are saying
    
  
    "It's like having a thunderstorm in your bedroom. But safe." — Dave
    "Very nice, love. Now turn the computer off, it's teatime." — Jack's Mom
    "I licked da screen. Zappy." — Gubbinz
    
  
    
  
    PLASMA.SCR is FREEWARE. Copy it for your mates! Put it on a floppy! Do NOT sell it (who'd buy it?). If your monitor gets burn-in, that's not my fault, that's what screensavers are FOR.
    

    



    
  
    Reviews
    ISSUE 7
    
  
    Honest reviews. Nobody pays us. Nobody could afford to.
    

  
    
    
    Pokémon Red & Blue
    GAME BOY
      
    It's finally here, and it's every bit as good as everyone at school said. You catch monsters, train them up and beat Brock. Then you trade with your mates over a Link Cable and spend ages arguing about whether a Mewtwo is worth two Charizards.
    
      
    I picked Squirtle. The right answer is Squirtle.
    
      
    UPGotta catch 'em all. Battles never get old. Great on the bus.
    
      
    DOWNYou need both versions. Zubats. So many Zubats.
    
    
    GRAPHICS82%
    SOUND88%
    GAMEPLAY97%
    LASTABILITY99%
    96%
    "I've stopped doing homework."
    JACK'S
    GOLD
    AWARD
    
  
    

  
    
    
    Banjo-Kazooie
    NINTENDO 64
      
    A bear with a bird in his backpack versus a witch who talks in rhymes. Every world is crammed with secrets, every character is funny, and the music changes as you walk about. Click Clock Wood is the best level in any game, ever.
    
      
    UPGorgeous. Hilarious. Massive. The Grunty quiz at the end.
    
      
    DOWNWhat does Stop 'n' Swop actually DO?
    
    
    GRAPHICS95%
    SOUND97%
    GAMEPLAY94%
    LASTABILITY92%
    95%
    "Guh-huh!"
    JACK'S
    GOLD
    AWARD
    
  
    

  
    
    
    GoldenEye 007
    NINTENDO 64
      
    Still the best four-player game in the house. Facility, proximity mines, no radar, and nobody plays as Oddjob or they get sent home.
    
      
    UPMultiplayer forever. The cheats (see Cheats).
    
      
    DOWNScreen-watching. You know who you are.
    
    
    GRAPHICS90%
    SOUND91%
    GAMEPLAY96%
    LASTABILITY98%
    94%
    "Slappers only."
    
  
    

  
    mgs_review_coming_soon.gif
    

  
    
    
    READERS' GAME OF THE YEAR: VOTE NOW! poll.cgi LIVE
    
    
    One vote per computer.
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Cheats
    TESTED!
    
  
    GoldenEye 007
    Beat the target time to unlock each cheat. DK Mode: Runway on Agent in under 5:00. Invincibility: Facility on 00 Agent in under 2:05. Paintball Mode: Dam on Secret Agent in under 2:40.
    
  
    Pokémon Red & Blue
    Watch the old man in Viridian City catch a Weedle, fly to Cinnabar Island and surf up and down the east coast. Hello MissingNo., and hello lots of copies of whatever's 6th in your bag. Save first, because it scrambles your Hall of Fame.
    
  
    Metal Gear Solid
    Can't beat Psycho Mantis? Plug your controller into port 2 and he can't read your mind any more.
    
  
    Super Mario 64
    Get all 120 stars, fire the cannon outside the castle up to the roof, and Yoshi gives you 100 lives.
    
  
    Mew is under the truck PLAYGROUND RUMOUR
    Dave's cousin says you can Strength the truck by the S.S. Anne. I spent a whole weekend trying. Not convinced.
    

  
    
    
    CHEAT-O-MATIC 2000 cheats.cgi
    
    
    
      
    There are secret cheats hidden on this site. Type one in. Hint: some famous ones work.
    
      
    
        
        
      
    
      
    
    
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Da Orks
    WAAAGH!
    
  
    
    
    Why Orks are da best
    
    
    Orks are big, green and LOUD. They paint their trukks red because red ones go faster. They build guns out of scrap, and the guns work because the Orks believe they will. Fighting is their favourite thing in the whole galaxy.
    
    
    Orks are my favourite. There's a bits box under my bed that's slowly taking over the bedroom. Green is the best colour and there's no such thing as too much dakka.
    
  
    

  
    
    
    waaagh.dcr Shockwave LIVE
    
    
    
      
    Every click adds to da WAAAGH! It fades if you stop. Fill it to 100% and a WAAAGH! hits everyone's screen at the same time. Get da boyz on!
    
      
    0%
    
      
    
      
    WAAAGHs called: 0 · last Warboss: nobody
    
    
    
  
    

  
    
    
    
      
    ORK NAMER orknamer.cgi
    
      
    Warboss Gutsmasha da Unstoppable
    
    
    
    
    
      
    ORKISH-ENGLISH DIKSHUNARY dikshunary.htm
    
      
    
        WAAAGH! — Da best fing. A war and a shout at the same time.
    
        Dakka — Shooty noise. More is better.
    
        Teef — Money. Don't ask.
    
        Squig — Food, pet, hat or weapon.
    
        Red Wunz — Go fasta. It's science.
      
    
    
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Letters
    WRITE IN!
    
  
    Write in! I read every letter. Star Letter changes every day. LIVE
    
  
    Or e-mail me: [email protected] (e-mails go on this page too!)
    
  
    
    
    
      
      
      
    
    
    
    
    
  
    
  
    0 letters so far.
    
  
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Art Wall
    DRAW!
    
  
    
    
    ☕ artwall.class LIVE
    
    
    
      
    One wall for everyone. You'll see it change while other people draw. Be nice. Right-click (or pick white) to rub out.
    
      
      
    
      
    64 x 40 pixelsPick a colour and draw
    
    
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Chat Room
    IT MOVED!
    
  
    
    
    THE CHAT ROOM HAS MOVED!!!
    
    
    It's now on IRC! Get JackIRC (FREE!) and join #jackattack. Same chat, same people, loads more channels: #orks, #starwars, #games, #cubes and #help.
    
    
    DOWNLOAD JackIRC NOW!
    
    
    jackirc32.exe · 612 KB · FREE!
    
    
    
    
    1. Click the big button2. JackIRC installs itself (it's quick, honest)3. You're in #jackattack. Say hi!
    
    
    Prefer avatars? The Hangout uses the same chat, with speech bubbles. Questions? Read the JackIRC FAQ.
    Why did it move? Because the old Java applet took 4 minutes to load and crashed Dave's computer. Twice.
    
    
  
    

    



    
  
    Forums
    JACKNET BBS
    
  
    Loading the forums...
    

    



    
  
    Members
    JACKNET
    
  
    Loading members...
    

    



    
  
    The Hangout
    COME IN!!!
    
  
    Opening the door... (loading the Hangout applet)
    

    

    
  
    Member Login
    JACKNET
    
  
    Loading login.cgi...
    

    

    
  
    Star Wars
    JACK'S SHRINE
    
  
    Loading the shrine... (56K, please hold)
    

    

    
  
    Comics
    JACK & CO.
    
  
    Loading the comics...
    

    

    
  
    Top 10s
    CHARTS!
    
  
    Loading the charts...
    

    

    
  
    Nerd Quiz
    ARE YOU A NERD?
    
  
    Loading the quiz...
    

    

    
  
    Polls
    VOTE!!!
    
  
    Have your say! One vote per computer, and you can change your mind. Results update while you watch. LIVE
    
  
    Counting the votes...
    

    

    
  
    Competitions
    WIN!!!
    
  
    Loading the competition...
    

    

    
  
    Pen Pals
    NOTICEBOARD
    
  
    Loading the noticeboard...
    

    

    
  
    Downloads
    SHAREWARE!
    
  
    Connecting to the file server...
    

    



    


    
  
    
    
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           © Jack · Best viewed at 800x600 · Or e-mail me: ✉ [email protected]
        
    
      
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    DoneInternet
    
  
    

    



    
  
  
    
  
    
  
    
    
    
    
  
    

    




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